Some time ago I had my first experience of a business divorce. I was one of the founders of a networking event in Amsterdam and worked on it for nine months or so. While the event steadily increased in popularity, the working relationship within the organising team was degrading. Eventually, it broke down completely. This breakup was a mild version of what is must be like when a startup founding team disintegrates. It's not pretty. Here are some ideas for how to cope with the fallout.
It's not you, it's me
However bad the behaviour of your business partner has been, examine your conscience to see how you contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. In my case my working partner suffered badly from the "Your ego is not your friend" syndrome. One of my faults is that I hate conflict and will placate and compromise rather than confronting a problem head on. As Tony Soprano has observed, certain behaviour you have to nip in the bud or it will get worse. The Sopranos is actually a goldmine of management wisdom. They should use it as a teaching tool it in business schools (possibly without the extreme violence).
Focus on what you gained, not on what you lost
The concept for the networking event was originally my idea but I'm not always very effective at turning my (many) ideas into reality. Teaming up with others helped get things moving and the event would probably have never gotten off the ground without my ex co-founder. Hosting the event led to meeting a lot of great people and developing my networking skills. I gained a lot from the experience and don't regret it.
If you are not in love, get out quickly
Like the best love affairs, the best working partners spark off each other and generate more energy. Your partners should inspire you and help to shore up your weaknesses - not exacerbate them. You might hate each other sometimes but you should also be slightly in awe of what your partner's capabilities. What's the point of working for yourself if you can't have people around you who you admire? So make sure you are at least a little bit in love with your business partner.
Lisa Stone of BlogHer organised a conference with her business partners before they formed a company. She says that you figure out pretty quickly in an intense but short-lived project like that how your partners function under stress and how (or whether) you can resolve conflicts. It's a good way of testing the waters before you make a bigger commitment.
Get a prenup
Even with the best of intentions, people need a nudge to behave well especially when they are scared, angry or under stress. Which will be all the time in a new company. You may be in love but realise that things may not work out and plan accordingly. Install legal or other safeguards of your investment in the venture whether that is vesting, a provision in the partnership agreement to buy out a partner or even very basic things like making sure that no single partner has exclusive access to particular company assets (as happened in my case).
Don't give up hope
Breakups always leave a few bruises but just because this business relationship ended badly doesn't mean that it was not worthwhile on some level. Reflect, recover and do better next time.
